The Magic of Roses in Relationship


Currently I am a member of a community of people who are seeking to live at their highest potential. Here we have people from all over the world, seeking their truth, wanting to break through their barriers and clear the hurdles, so as to reach their life goals. Why is it then that they allow themselves to be stopped by someone whom they feel is behaving like a bully towards them? A person who is accusing some individuals of being “murdered” by them? A person who claims to have experienced the worst kind of wounding over a lifetime from others, whose words are so wounding to others? How is it that so many in this community have allowed themselves to be drawn into the many tortured dramas of one individual?

Indeed, I have observed that several people have offered ways, from their own benefitted experience, good approaches; effective practices, in the spirit of sharing from their heart to assist this person. Yet, this individual has never asked for help and is, as far as I can tell, unreceptive, unwilling and perhaps even stubborn in her will to be right, regardless of the many mirrors being held up before her. The work of this community, its purpose and design, it seems, she will withstand and even break, in order to maintain, at all costs, the lifelong dramas she has told over and over to herself and to any who will listen.

The stories, at first read are frightful, though one is led to read on, seeking to find some way in, to find a window or door through which the light might shine. This was my experience initially. However, as she would lay out her wares – even some beautifully woven items that were uplifting for others, there among these lay the others – reworked venomous bits from her life along with the odd poison charms for certain select individuals against whom she railed and ranted; the constant insistence of her position, her perceptions, her unending experience; all proving her right.

Now, when I see her entries on the website, I am loathe to read the endlessly long tracts of her gathered stuffs and instead seek out other members. But so many are silent, and others have disappeared, to have private conversations among themselves away from this individual; thus, depriving the rest of us of their welcome thoughts, ideas and perceptions. I suspect that many have chosen to focus on self, rather than engage in the toreador’s dance with the bull.

Still, I question the triangulation that is going on in various corners of this community. Some who have come, seeking counsel with me have shared my own concerns which arose when I witnessed a tussle going on between this person and another early on, when the community was still forming around a fine teacher and the teachings. I had become agitated and impatient with the endless to and fro between them and wished to say to both, “Take your marbles and go work it out in a quiet corner away from the rest of us, so we can just carry on in our work undisturbed. Come back when it’s been settled.”

That was then and this is now; it started out small, but her game has not changed, and more are being drawn, whether consciously or unconsciously into her web. My observation is that she has found and will continue to seek out those she can hook into her drama; thus, having a constant supply of people to keep her company in her misery. This at any cost, is essential to her; she must have people around her to engage with, even in this way. Better this way than not at all, to be alone again. Better to stay fixed in her position than to emerge on the other side, lest they all desert her as so many have in the past, exhausted by her game. It is a sad and sorry tale.

I have asked myself how I might contribute, outside of counseling individuals to look at what is hooking them and to dance out of her drama. As a healer, what piece could I bring to this muddy stew that might alter the chemistry in the community? Here is my offering:       

The Rose Technique


Ground yourself before beginning.

Once grounded, imagine or intend a beautiful rose, or many roses and imagine and/or intend to send them to an individual with whom you have an issue and wish to make amends, or to someone who is in pain. {It is not unlike what we do from time to time when we offer a bouquet of flowers to someone as an apology, if they are unwell, or on special occasions to celebrate.} We are sending the rose(s) energetically instead and the person receiving does not need to know; this is no violation, but rather a way to heal your relationship with them. They need do nothing; there is no outcome to expect other than your desire to send them energetically.

See the rose entering their crown and moving into their body to their heart. As you do this, hold in your heart the feelings of gratitude, compassion, love, caring that you have for that person, wishing them well.

In the case where you wish to gather up your energy over-expended with another, you can send a rose, putting your face on it. As you have the rose gently enter their crown, imagine and intend that the rose is gathering up all your energy into it. You run it from the top of their head to their toes. It is best to hold a sense of compassion, caring, gratitude as you do this. Then have the rose return to you, placing it into your crown and returning to your heart with gratitude.

To clear another’s energy from you, you reverse the process: Run the rose with their face on it through you, from your crown to your toes and then send it to that individual, placing it gently into their crown and returning to their heart, as you hold within you a feeling of compassion, love, gratitude, caring.

It is wise to examine our original motivation that eventually got us entangled in the dramatic web of another’s story. Was it a rescue? Did we think or believe we knew something more than they? Was our ego engaged in this process? What outcomes did we hope to effect? What was in it for us? The answers to these questions can best be found in our Shadow places. Whatever that individual mobilized in us is worth deep examination. We are usually made stronger, wiser, when we emerge from that journey, carrying more light around our own issues. These become our greatest Medicines. Aho!



  1. Oh, how ,nice. I love Roses,the Beauty of the Rose so soothing,you can never say a beautiful Rose is an ugly thing. It is one of the most pleasant and surprising thing in the world to see with the eyes.